What if I’m not actually perfect?

I think we have this idea that the coaches, teachers, healers, and leaders who can sit down, analyze their experiences, see their patterns, and talk about them must somehow be exempt from experiencing those patterns themselves.

That is mostly false.

I know that, for me, I am a living, walking, breathing example of everything I write about and coach.

I am not perfect.
I have flaws.
I have my own trauma.
I have my own weaknesses, triggers, and reactions.
I get overwhelmed.
I shut down.
I fall back into old patterns.

Sometimes I recognize what’s happening while it’s happening.
Sometimes I recognize it afterward.

But I’m deeply aware of it.

I’ve practiced what I preach.

I’ve learned to name the trigger.
Name the feeling.
Notice the reaction.
Notice what my body is doing.
Notice the story my brain is telling me.

And then I work with it.

I’m actively working to create new neural pathways and retrain the patterns I’ve spent years developing.

I regularly practice regulation techniques. I do my own self-healing work. I meditate. I journal. I get curious. I reflect.

And increasingly, I can catch myself before I react.

Sometimes I can pause in the space between the trigger and the reaction and choose something different.

Sometimes I don’t.

That’s the reality.

There is no perfection here. There is only growth.

And I think we need to stop expecting the people who teach healing to somehow be completely healed.

Because what would that even mean?

That they never get triggered?
Never become overwhelmed?
Never have a bad day?
Never fall into an old coping mechanism?
Never say the wrong thing?
Never have something from their past come screaming back into the present?

That isn’t healing. That’s an impossible standard.

And honestly, I don’t think I would trust someone more because they claimed they had somehow transcended being human.

I’d probably trust them less.

Because I don’t want someone teaching me from a pedestal.

I want someone who can say I’ve been here; I know what this feels like because I’ve done this too, and here’s what I’ve learned!

And that’s actually why I think so many coaches, teachers, healers, and leaders speak about the things they do.

Because we tend to speak most deeply about what we know.

And what do we know better than our own stories?

Our experiences become our teachers.

The things we’ve struggled with become the things we become curious about.
The patterns we’ve had to confront become the patterns we learn to recognize.
The things we’ve had to heal become the things we can eventually help someone else navigate.

I’m willing to bet that at least half, probably more, of the coaches, teachers, healers, and leaders out there are sharing their message from some version of I’ve been there.

And there’s really no better place to learn something than from someone who has actually experienced it, questioned it, struggled with it, and found their way through it.

Awareness doesn’t require perfection.

Growth doesn’t require perfection.
Healing doesn’t require perfection.
Self-trust certainly doesn’t require perfection.

It starts with awareness.

And then, perhaps more importantly, the desire to grow.

To notice.
To question.
To take responsibility.
To try again.
To repair when necessary.
To choose differently when you can.
And to keep coming back to yourself when you don’t.

I’m not writing about these things because I’ve mastered them.
I’m writing about them because I’m living them.